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If traditional discipline strategies like time-outs, rewards, and loss of privileges aren’t working for your child, you might be making one of ten common mistakes that undermine your efforts. By avoiding these pitfalls, you can improve your child’s behavior effectively.
1. Scolding in Public: It’s important to address dangerous behaviors immediately, but avoid disciplining your child in front of others, as they may focus more on the audience than your message. Instead, find a private space to discuss the issue. If that’s not possible, briefly acknowledge the misbehavior and promise to talk about it later at home.
2. Giving Vague Instructions: Children may not fully understand general instructions, so it’s essential to be specific. Instead of saying “Don’t throw your stuff on the floor,” say, “Please hang your jacket on the peg.” Similarly, when addressing misbehavior, provide constructive alternatives. For example, instead of just saying “No hitting,” explain that “We don’t hit people. If you’re mad, you can hit a pillow.” This clarity can help them grasp the expectations better.
3. Bribing for Fast Results: Bribing a child to stop a meltdown, such as promising candy at the checkout, may provide a quick fix but ultimately reinforces bad behavior. Instead, children should learn that good behavior—like being patient or kind—is expected without any rewards. This understanding helps them manage their emotions and actions more appropriately in the future.
4. Neglecting Hunger: Kids are less likely to behave well when they’re hungry, as hunger can hinder concentration and increase misbehavior. To address this, Dr. Reischer suggests using a “placeholder” approach: acknowledge the misbehavior immediately, but delay the discussion until after a snack. This method is also effective when either the child or the parent is tired, as being well-fed and rested helps everyone manage their emotions better.
5. Going On and On (and On): While you need to let your child know that it was wrong to dump a glass of water on the dog, their shenanigans don’t call for a lengthy lecture. Instead, simply explain briefly why drenching the dog wasn’t a good idea, make clear that they shouldn’t do it again—then move on.
6. Freaking Out: Yelling at children during misbehavior can be counterproductive, as it often leads to shutdown or anger rather than learning. Dr. Niec highlights that kids struggle to absorb lessons when shouted at. Summer Blackhurst, who previously yelled at her son for aggressive behavior, found that switching to a calm tone and implementing consequences for shouting resulted in significant improvement. Over time, this approach led to a much calmer child.
7. Taking It Personally: Children often act out for various reasons, such as testing boundaries or seeking attention, but this behavior isn’t a reflection of their feelings towards their parents. Dr. Reischer explains that much of what may seem like “bad” behavior is simply children exploring how to get their needs met. It’s important for parents to remain affectionate while also setting clear boundaries, communicating that disrespectful behavior is not acceptable.
8. Shaming Your Kid: Zaida Khaze from Fort Lee, New Jersey, used to compare her daughters, Ameera and Zara, during disciplinary moments, which fostered resentment between them. Dr. Reischer advises that discipline should focus on individual behavior rather than comparisons. Khaze shifted her approach by recognizing and praising her daughters’ positive behaviors instead, leading to fewer tantrums and improved sibling relationships.
9. Piling On: Dr. Reischer warns against overreacting to misbehavior with harsh punishments, as they should be proportional to the offense. Extreme penalties can be unfair and hard to enforce. To maintain consistency, establish house rules with clear consequences in advance. For instance, if a child neglects a chore like emptying the dishwasher, they should complete it before watching their favorite show.
10. Letting Things Slide: Inconsistent enforcement of rules can lead children to believe there are no real consequences for their actions, undermining your authority. Dr. Gardere emphasizes that this inconsistency can confuse kids about acceptable behavior. To avoid this, regularly reassess your expectations and address any failures to meet them, either by discussing the issue or implementing appropriate consequences.
Read More:https://childreninfobank.com/safebank/10-biggest-discipline-mistakes-youre-probably-making/
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