4 Signs Your Kid Isn’t Fitting in at School and What To Do About It
Source:https://www.parents.com/
A 2020 study found that up to 29% of high school students and 27% of middle school students feel they do not belong in school, with a 2022 poll showing nearly half of high schoolers share this feeling. Contributing factors include frequent school changes, as about 70% of children switch schools before high school, leading to anxiety and sadness. This lack of belonging is associated with lower academic performance, reduced social engagement, and negative mental and physical health outcomes. Students who feel unwelcome often withdraw in class, resulting in ongoing academic difficulties into adulthood.
Signs Your Child Is Not Adjusting in School
As a parent, discovering that your child is struggling to fit in at school can be distressing. Clinical psychologist Allison Taylor, PsyD, highlights several signs to watch for, including:
- Lack of enthusiasm: Your child may show disinterest in going to school, potentially leading to school avoidance.
- Limited communication: They might not share much about their day, even when prompted.
- Physical symptoms: Unexplained stomach aches or frequent visits to the school nurse may occur.
- Mood changes: Signs of anxiety or sadness may be evident.
How Can Parents Help
Communities, alongside dedicated teachers, are addressing the crisis of children feeling unwelcome in schools. National organizations like Welcoming America are collaborating with local communities to implement programs that promote inclusion and create supportive environments. Parents can also play a vital role in helping their children navigate these challenges.
Check in with your child:To gauge if children feel welcome at school, parents should ask open-ended questions about their commonalities with classmates, lunchtime experiences, and recess activities. Additionally, inquiries about whether they raise their hands or get called on can reveal if they feel seen, heard, and appreciated in their new environment.
Get them books they can relate to: Books can foster connection and a sense of belonging in children by affirming their identities and creating safe spaces. This concept, described by Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, refers to literature serving as “mirrors, windows, and sliding doors,” reflecting human experiences. Dr. Taylor emphasizes that seeing oneself in book characters can provide comfort and help children navigate their struggles without feeling overwhelmed, allowing them to explore their feelings in a supportive way.
Share similar experiences: Teachers are encouraged to share their own experiences of feeling out of place, such as being the “new kid” or the first in their family to attend college. Students often find this vulnerability helpful, feeling more connected and welcomed in class. Parents can also share similar experiences at home, discussing times they felt excluded and how they overcame those feelings. Dr. Taylor notes that this empathetic sharing can help children and teens feel less alone, more connected, and validated in their own experiences.
Connect with school officials: Parents can connect with their child’s teacher to gain insights into the classroom dynamics and discussions, helping them identify opportunities for connection. They should inquire about their child’s lunch companions and group project partners to assess their social integration. Reviewing classwork can also provide clues about their child’s engagement. Additionally, exploring clubs or extracurricular activities related to their child’s interests can foster relationships, which can positively impact their school experience, according to Dr. Taylor.
Seek help when needed: Parents desire their children to feel welcomed and accepted, but they may struggle to assist them in navigating feelings of belonging. It’s important to recognize when a child’s mental health may be at risk, such as persistent sadness linked to their sense of belonging, and to seek professional help if needed.
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