6 Tips for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

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Strong-willed children are often seen as challenging, stubborn, or argumentative, but these traits can actually be assets in adulthood, where they are linked to greater professional success, goal achievement, and perseverance. While parenting a strong-willed child can be difficult, especially when facing their assertiveness and pushback, experts suggest strategies to avoid power struggles and better manage these traits. By understanding and navigating the child’s strong-willed personality, parents can foster a more effective and positive relationship.

What Is a Strong-Willed Child?

Strong-willed children often exhibit certain common traits, according to Erin O’Connor, EdD, director of NYU’s early childhood education program. These include determination, persistence, strong opinions, assertiveness, a willingness to challenge authority, a strong sense of justice, and emotional intensity. Additionally, strong-willed kids may display behaviors such as angry outbursts, stubbornness, bossiness, impatience, and selective hearing. While not all strong-willed children will show every behavior, these characteristics are commonly associated with this personality type.

How do you know if your child is strong-willed?

Dr. Erin O’Connor explains that while not all strong-willed children display every characteristic, traits like determination, challenging authority, and having strong opinions are common among them. These behaviors typically occur across various settings, such as both at home and school. If a child only shows these traits in one place, it may be a situational issue rather than a sign of being strong-willed. Jillian Amodio, a licensed social worker, describes strong-willed children as both a gift and a challenge, highlighting their intelligence, confidence, curiosity, and big personalities. Though their questioning nature and strong opinions can make parenting difficult, these traits also indicate a child with a lot of potential.

Benefits of Being a Strong-Willed Child

While strong-willed children can be challenging for parents, they also possess strengths that can contribute to future success and fulfillment. Dr. Daniel Lee, a clinician-scientist at USC’s Keck School of Medicine, points out that many books focus on trying to suppress strong-willed behavior, but there are significant benefits to these traits. He suggests that being strong-willed can have positive aspects that help children succeed later in life.

• Tenacity and grit: Being tenacious and having grit can help kids persist when others might give up. These qualities contribute to being a person who often persists toward long-term goals, which results in positive life outcomes.
• Goal-oriented: “You want a child to be goal-oriented especially if they can be autonomous when being goal-oriented,” explains Dr. Lee.
• Assertiveness: “If you look at it through a positive lens, strong-willed children who are assertive tell you exactly what they want,” says Dr. Lee. “If you think of that in the workplace and salary negotiations, it can be very helpful to have the confidence to ask for what you want.”
• Leadership: Strong-willed children can also grow into adults who have substantial leadership skills, yet another asset that’s common among successful individuals.
• Individualism: Strong-willed children aren’t usually swayed by the crowd and stand up for what they believe is right even when it goes against their peers.

Tips for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

Choose your battles: Parenting a strong-willed child can be exhausting, but it’s important for parents to choose their battles wisely. Dr. Daniel Lee suggests focusing on what’s most important for the day and letting minor issues slide, especially when the child is emotionally dysregulated. Some battles may be recurring, so approaching parenting as a long-term journey can help. Jillian Amodio also recommends letting go of less important issues and prioritizing behaviors that truly matter, such as safety or quality of life concerns, while being flexible with personal preferences. This approach can conserve both the parent’s energy and the child’s patience.

Set clear expectations: Children, including strong-willed ones, thrive when they have clear boundaries, structure, and routine, according to Jillian Amodio. While they may complain, these elements provide a sense of safety and support. To avoid frustration and power struggles, it’s important for parents to set consistent, understandable boundaries. Routine gives children a sense of control, allowing them to choose their behavior within established limits. If they challenge the boundaries, they will also understand the consequences of their actions.

Give your child some autonomy: For strong-willed children, it’s important for them to feel heard and have a say in decision-making, according to Alana Carvalho, LMHC. While parents may fear losing control, Carvalho emphasizes that allowing children to make choices helps them feel empowered without undermining parental authority. Offering limited choices like deciding whether to put shoes on quickly or with a little help gives children a sense of agency and control, which can reduce resistance. Dr. Daniel Lee agrees, noting that giving children a choice between two options can help them feel empowered rather than forced into a decision.

Explain your reasoning: Strong-willed children often need to understand the reasoning behind their parents’ requests, decisions, or boundaries. While parents don’t have to justify every request, explaining the “why” can prevent conflicts. Alana Carvalho suggests that instead of simply stating what needs to be done, parents should explain why it’s important and how it will benefit the child. This approach helps strong-willed children feel respected and treated more like adults, which can reduce resistance and increase cooperation.

Use rewards the right way: Rewards, when used effectively, can reinforce positive behaviors in strong-willed children. Dr. Lee emphasizes that rewards don’t always need to be material or used solely to curb negative behavior; they can also promote desired actions. For example, offering a reward like extra screen time after completing a chore or using verbal praise to acknowledge a child’s cooperation can motivate them. Recognizing and rewarding moments when a strong-willed child listens or compromises can encourage more of that behavior.

Connect with your strong-willed child: To build trust and communication with a strong-willed child, focus on positive interactions and connecting through play. Engage in activities like playing together at the playground or showing interest in their hobbies to demonstrate you care about what they love. When conversing, listen actively by making eye contact and fully focusing on understanding their perspective. This helps foster a deeper connection and trust.

In conclusion, if parenting a strong-willed child becomes overwhelming or you have concerns about safety or well-being, it’s a good idea to seek professional help. Options include joining a support group, working with a parenting coach, or seeking counseling for either the parent or child. Reaching out for assistance is a smart way to use available resources and doesn’t reflect failure.

Read More: https://childreninfobank.com/safebank/6-tips-for-parenting-a-strong-willed-child/

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