7 Toxic Things Grandparents Should Never Say or Do

Source:https://www.msn.com/

Becoming a grandparent is an exciting milestone that requires navigating new family dynamics, influenced by diverse structures like single-parent and LGBTQ+ families. There’s no universal approach to grandparenting, and adapting to evolving parenting norms can be challenging. Dr. Karen Fingerman highlights the importance of understanding and respecting these unique dynamics to foster positive relationships with your adult child and their family. Avoiding common pitfalls is essential for establishing a supportive grandparenting role.

Grandparents should avoid the following mistakes:

1. Saying: “We didn’t have all these safety rules and my kids lived: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has updated childcare recommendations based on the latest research, significantly improving child safety, such as reducing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) by promoting back sleeping for infants. However, confusion arises when grandparents, who may be unfamiliar with these updates or think they know better, contradict the guidance given to new parents. Ellen Kunkle, a childbirth educator, highlights instances where grandparents undermine parents’ wishes regarding feeding and sleep practices. To ensure safety, Kunkle advises grandparents to follow parents’ lead and consider taking infant safety and CPR courses to stay informed about current best practices.

2. Saying: “Give me the baby, and I’ll show you how to: New parents often feel exhausted and sensitive, making them receptive to advice that may come across as criticism. Dr. Jeremy Yorgason, a family relationships expert, notes that well-meaning grandparents can unintentionally overwhelm new parents with unsolicited advice. Instead, he recommends that grandparents focus on providing positive feedback about parenting efforts. This supportive approach encourages parents to learn and grow in their new roles. Grandparents should avoid giving unsolicited advice and offer suggestions gently, only when asked.

3. Thinking you’re the boss: Grandparents should never undermine the authority of new parents, as this can be deeply upsetting and damaging to family dynamics. Even seemingly harmless actions, like secretly allowing treats against parental rules, can create unhealthy dynamics that may lead parents to restrict access to their children. It’s crucial for grandparents to respect the parents’ rules to maintain a positive relationship.

4. Overstepping boundaries: Grandparents should establish clear boundaries with new parents to understand their role, as expectations vary widely. Some parents may prefer limited visits, while others welcome immediate help. It’s essential for grandparents to be supportive without overstepping, as a sense of entitlement can create tension. Instead of trying to take over, grandparents can offer practical help, such as bringing meals or assisting with errands, which gives parents the space they need while still being supportive. If living far away, sending meals or hiring help can also be beneficial.

5. Posting photos online: While it’s natural for grandparents to want to share photos of their adorable grandchildren on social media, it’s crucial to first check with the parents. Today’s parents are more aware of the privacy risks associated with sharing personal information online. Some may permit it, while others may not, so respecting their wishes is essential. Dr. Max Zubatsky emphasizes the importance of discussing what can be shared versus what should remain private early on, to protect the child’s privacy and maintain healthy boundaries for the family.

6. Competing against the other grandparents: Tension can arise between sets of grandparents, particularly when one lives nearby and the other is far away. Distant grandparents may experience “Grandparental FOMO,” feeling anxious about missing out on their grandchild’s life. Dr. Zubatsky notes that this anxiety can stem from the local grandparents’ activities, even if they aren’t doing anything wrong. Despite differences in resources and proximity, long-distance grandparents can maintain a strong connection without overwhelming parents with excessive gifts. Ultimately, viewing grandparenting as a competition is counterproductive and can lead to disappointment.

7. Parenting the parents: The key takeaway for grandparents is to take a backseat and avoid making demands or trying to parent the parents, as this can lead to conflict. If there are serious concerns about the child’s safety, such as neglect or abuse, it’s important to intervene. However, in the absence of crisis situations, the best approach is to support and encourage the parents by acknowledging their efforts. Grandparents should focus on cherishing both the grandchild and the parent, recognizing that the parents are doing their best.

Read More: https://childreninfobank.com/safebank/7-toxic-things-grandparents-should-never-say-or-do/

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