Say the Right Thing: Phrases to Raise Happy Kids

Source:https://www.parents.com/

Communicating effectively with children can be challenging. Dr. Wendy Mogel advises that parents should use simple language that acknowledges children’s feelings while maintaining clear rules. She warns against undermining authority by adding qualifiers like “okay?” which may lead kids to resist following directions.

“I Need To Think About That”: Parents often feel pressured to respond instantly, but this can lead to regret and frustration. Dr. Mogel suggests that saying, “I need to think about that,” establishes authority, allows time for reflection, and teaches children the importance of weighing decisions. When children hear this phrase regularly, they learn to take their time, which can lead to better decision-making as they grow. By middle school, they may use this thoughtful approach with their peers, helping them avoid impulsive or risky behaviors.

“How Does That Make You Feel?”: Many parents, including the author, tend to overpraise their children. Instead of excessive enthusiasm, Dr. Mogel recommends asking, “How does that make you feel?” This approach is also effective in challenging situations. For example, when the author’s son Conrad forgot his backpack twice, the author focused on his feelings rather than expressing annoyance. This prompted Conrad to reflect on his frustration, leading him to proactively remember his backpack the next day.

“Wow”: When your child presents a problem or admits to a mistake, like knocking over a container of milk, simply saying “Wow” acknowledges the situation without committing to an immediate response. This pause allows you to gain perspective and decide how to handle it. Dr. Mogel appreciates this approach as it counters the pressure to provide instant reactions in our fast-paced culture.

“Let’s See If We Can Find Something Good In This”: When children face disappointment, like a canceled playdate or a broken Lego creation, it’s important not to rush in to fix their feelings. Instead, allow them to express their upset emotions to help develop their coping skills. After they’ve vented, encourage them to find a positive aspect by saying, “Let’s find the good part.” Although they may resist at first, guide them to think of alternatives or fun activities they can still enjoy, like an indoor jump-rope contest or baking banana bread. This approach helps children learn to adapt and manage challenges.

“Listen To Your Body”: Many parents are highly attuned to their children’s physical needs but may overlook their own. This can prevent kids from learning self-regulation. When a child complains of a stomachache, instead of jumping to conclusions, parents should help them explore possible causes. This encourages children to pay attention to their bodies and differentiate between feelings, like recognizing the difference between anxiety and hunger. By learning to identify their physical sensations, children can respond more appropriately to their needs.

“Take a Breath”: In our busy lives, it’s easy to forget to slow down, especially during transitions between activities. Dr. Mogel suggests that by calling for a time-out to breathe, parents can help alleviate the urgency that kids feel. This approach not only sets a calmer tone for the day but also teaches children how to manage stress. Taking a moment to breathe together—by getting down to their eye level, holding their hands, and breathing deeply—creates a connection and helps everyone feel more centered. This practice can even make the search for that elusive shoe feel lighter and more manageable.

“Would You Like a Do-Over”: When a child resists eating broccoli, refuses to share toys, or demands immediate attention, using a gentle reminder can help reinforce expected behavior without embarrassment or scolding. This approach is effective in any setting, as it remains friendly and nonthreatening. Phrasing it as “Let’s have a do-over” enhances its effectiveness by making it nonnegotiable and encouraging collaboration. This shifts the focus from punishment to teamwork, fostering a sense of alliance that makes children more willing to cooperate.

“That’s a Great Idea”: Supporting your child’s ideas, whether big or small, encourages them to believe in their problem-solving abilities. By affirming their choices—like a toddler picking out clothes or an older child planning an activity or story—you validate their creativity and decision-making, reinforcing that their thoughts and scenarios are valuable.

Read More: https://childreninfobank.com/safebank/say-the-right-thing-phrases-to-raise-happy-kids/

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