Tieri Is Right: ‘These Shoes Are Not Meant for Going Out’

Welcome to #50PlusDad, my weekly reflections on fatherhood, parenting, and the incredible insights I gain from raising my son, Tieri. Every day, he teaches me something new, not just through his words, but through his actions, observations, and the unfiltered way children hold us accountable to the very standards we set.

Today, I want to share a simple yet profound moment that reminded me just how much our children see us, learn from us, and expect us to live by the values we teach.

Children Hold Us Accountable to the Standards We Set

In our home, we have a simple system:

• Indoor slippers, worn only inside the house.
• Step-out slippers, for quick errands just outside the house, like taking out the trash.
• Outdoor shoes, for outings beyond the immediate surroundings.

This system exists for hygiene, but beyond that, it reflects a practice, a habit of maintaining order and consistency. Our son, Tieri, has his own designated indoor slippers, step-out shoes, and outdoor shoes. He has learned by observation that certain shoes belong indoors, while others are for stepping outside.

One day, as I prepared to take out the bin, he asked, “Can I come with you?”

“Of course,” I responded.

He seemed eager to follow, yet he stood still, unmoving.

“Let’s go,” I urged, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he looked at me and said firmly, “These shoes are not for going out.”

I glanced down. He was wearing his indoor slippers. I was wearing mine too.

His hesitation wasn’t just about himself, it was about me too. He was holding me accountable to our own family practice.

1. He recognized the rule: Indoor slippers should not be worn outside.
2. He applied it to himself: He couldn’t step out unless he changed his shoes.
3. He expected consistency: If I was wearing my indoor slippers, I too needed to change before stepping out.

Children Defend What They See Modeled, Not Just What They Are Told: Discipline Is Culture, Not Instruction

At that moment, I realized something profound: this is further proof that discipline is not about rules, it is about culture. Children do not do what we say; they do what we do. The way they defend small routines today is the same way he will defend our family values tomorrow

• If we live by integrity, they will grow up expecting honesty.
• If we prioritize kindness, they will naturally embody empathy.
• If we practice discipline, they will understand the importance of self-control.

Children don’t just follow spoken rules, they absorb the culture of the home. The unspoken lessons, the habits we model, and the consistency of our actions shape the foundation of their principles.

True discipline is not about rigid instructions or punishments, it is about the environment we create. A culture of discipline must prevail over the outdated, forceful approach often mistaken for child discipline. The goal is not blind obedience, but a deep-rooted sense of values that children willingly uphold.

How We Communicate Matters

This also reminded me of something we do intentionally in our home. When correcting behavior, we don’t say:
🚫 “You don’t do that.”

Instead, we say:
✅ “We don’t do that.”

By framing our guidance collectively, we reinforce that values are not just imposed rules but shared commitments. It’s not about what “you” should do, but what “we” believe and practice as a family.

The Bigger Lesson

This moment with Tieri wasn’t just about slippers. It was about values, consistency, and accountability. It made me reflect:

• What are we modeling that our children will insist on upholding?
• Are we living in alignment with the principles we expect them to follow?
• Are we fostering a home where values are not just taught but lived?

Because children will call us out, not just with their words, but with their silent expectations.

This week, I encourage us to reflect:
✨ What lessons have our precious children reinforced back to us?
✨ How do they hold us accountable in ways that surprise us?

Let’s continue this conversation, share your experiences in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time, keep growing, keep learning, and keep leading with love. 💙