11 Little Things Children Observe More Than Their Parents Realize
Parenting is not a straightforward journey. Parents worry about a plethora of issues. Are my children happy? Are they consuming enough vegetables? Although the solutions to these concerns aren’t always clear, children believe in themselves when their parents lead with love and support.
No parent can give a perfect upbringing. Your children notice little things even without your realization, and as a parent, it can be tempting to strive for perfection. At this point, your children need to understand that mistakes are inevitable, but the essential thing is the ability to manage situations as they arise. This article will discuss 11 small things children notice more than their parents realize.
11 Small Things Children Notice More Than Their Parents Realize
1. Inconsistency with rules
Inconsistency regarding rules and boundaries is one little issue that children notice more than their parents do. Although it takes effort, being a consistent parent is beneficial when establishing expectations for your children’s behavior. When parents say one thing and do something else, children notice. They can spot unfair rule enforcement. Inconsistency in rule enforcement is confusing and can make your children not fully trust you.
According to research conducted by Duke University, preschool-aged toddlers can differentiate between a good reason and a bad excuse when a promise is broken. Consistency influences children’s perceptions of themselves. It helps them to learn boundaries, which is an important value. Although there may be a few inconsistencies, setting clear rules with their attendant consequences helps your child’s emotional development even though some inconsistency is inevitable.
2. Routine changes
Establishing a routine does not have to be difficult; it can be as easy as reading a book before bed or listening to music during breakfast. Routines can have symbolic meaning for families. They teach children practical lessons, such as the value of doing chores and emotional bonding between parents and children. Children thrive on routine; that is why they can notice even the smallest changes to their daily schedule.
An article in the Journal of Family Theory and Review shows a direct link between routines and child development. Regular routines improve children’s behavioral and emotional regulation. Children who participate in family routines show resilience and empathy and are able to relate with others..
3. Subtle tension between parents
Children can sense the tension in their parent’s relationship. They are more aware of subtle stress than their parents are. They observe their parents’ body language and subtle changes in communication and emotional cues.
Although it is normal for parents to argue, they may not be aware that their children notice. When quarrels become frequent, children feel confused and unsafe due to the tense atmosphere. Parents should teach their children that when they argue, it does not necessarily mean they do not love one another.
4. When their parents are preoccupied
Being a parent demands a degree of presence that isn’t always easy. There are many chores, like laundry, walking the dog, preparing dinner, etc, in addition to mobile phones, which have the attention of most parents.
According to a study conducted for children aged 8 to 13 years, when parents are distracted by their phones during family time like meal times, children feel unimportant. It is, therefore, important that parents use their phones less frequently to be able to give their children the needed attention.
5. Acts of kindness
Another thing that children notice more than their parents realize is the act of kindness. A parent is a child’s first role model, and they imitate what they do. Children look up to their parents and teachers as behavioral models. They observe when you greet your neighbors or lend a helping hand to others and what they learn from you will shape how they perceive life.
Research carried out by Frontiers in Psychology reveals that children have a distinct understanding of what it means to be kind and that their morality starts from infancy. So when they watch their parents being kind to others, it builds their emotional intelligence and molds them to have empathy.
6. Displays of affection
Children notice when their parents show affection to them and one another. Displays of affection between parents teach children what love looks like and how to express it. A vital component of children’s development is touch. When a baby is born, their parents’ touch is among the first they encounter.
According to a study on psychology, “Children learn to be human through touch.” So when parents hug or shake hands with their children, it’s an act of affection that conveys a message of care that children notice more than their parents realize.
7. Quality time together
It can be challenging to balance family time with commitments like jobs, school, and all the extracurricular activities that children participate in, but spending quality time keeps parents and children connected. Children are aware of when their parents are preoccupied, and they value it when you spend time with them.
According to psychologist Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, children notice responses. She further explained that being a responsive parent implies you are sensitive to your child’s needs and accepting of where they are at any given time.
What is perceived as misbehaving or acting out is usually a cry for attention. Despite your busy schedule, you should create time to spend with your children. Children yearn to spend quality time with their parents and know when they are not getting it.
8. Encouraging words and actions
Children often observe how their parents behave toward people in their lives. They see how their parents interact with their friends, family members, and even random people they meet on the street. When parents behave badly, they emulate them and think it is acceptable to disrespect people.
However, they learn how to be supportive when their parents model behavior like encouraging people and offering assistance to those in their community. Empathy is not inborn but learned, so children observe and learn from their parents.
9. Celebrating little wins
Children observe when parents celebrate little wins like picking up after them. There are major wins in life, like graduating from college, but life is made up of small wins that are worth celebrating. Celebrating your children’s small wins will motivate them to strive for bigger achievements and boost their self-confidence.
10. Being compared to other children
Comparisons sometimes can come from good intentions like encouraging your child to try out activities just like other children are doing. However, comparison negatively affects children’s self-confidence even with the best intentions.
Some comparisons are a result of criticism, such as when parents give preference to one sibling over another and question why their child can’t behave more like them. This leads to favoritism, which has a detrimental effect, leading children to feel less deserving of love than others. But when there is no comparison, children can become the people they were destined to be.
11. How their parents handle stress
Controlling one’s emotions is one of the many challenges of being a parent. Children observe how their parents respond to stress; when they grow and encounter stress, they will mimic what they have seen their parents do.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 73% of parents were stressed about their children’s social, intellectual, and emotional development. It’s normal to be stressed when you care about other people, but how you handle that stress can have a major effect on your well-being.
According to a Washington State University study, parents who suppress stress transfer those emotions to their children, even when they don’t say it. Children have physical reactions when their parent suppress their stress.
The findings reveal that when we tell children we are fine when we are not. Although this comes from a good place, we can be acting in the exact opposite way. It concluded that parents should express their emotions and allow their children to do the same as children are naturally intuitive and notice their parents’ social cues and emotional responses.
