Child and Teen Bullying: How to Help When Your Kid is Bullied

Source: https://www.empoweringparents.com/

Bullying is described as a form of abuse where children use power to control others, often with the intent to harm. It involves repetitive actions targeted at specific individuals or groups, causing hurt and humiliation. Unlike past forms, today’s bullying extends beyond school hours, facilitated by social media and cell phones, leading to widespread and enduring humiliation for victims. Despite ongoing debate and increased awareness, one in four children in the country continues to experience bullying at school. What can we do as parents to help our children when they find themselves the target of another kid’s cruelty or physical aggression?

Is Your Child Being Bullied? Know the Signs

Reluctance to go to school or to get on the computer.
Your child’s mood changes after looking at their cell phone or going on Facebook.
Your child may not want to get on the school bus; begs you for rides to school every day.
Is frequently sick, with headaches and sleeping problems—and often wants to stay home from school.
You might notice damaged or missing belongings, or that your child keeps losing money or other valuable items.
Unexplained injuries or bruises.
Your child doesn’t seem to be eating his lunch—he comes home unusually hungry, or his lunch comes back home with him.
He might be moody, anxious, depressed, or withdrawn.

What Should Parents Do When Their Child is Bullied?

Don’t over-personalize it: When your child faces bullying, it’s challenging but crucial to avoid letting personal emotions overwhelm you. Many parents recall their own experiences of being bullied, which can evoke feelings of pain and shame. However, staying calm and objective while listening to your child is essential for being supportive. Over-personalizing and overreacting can hinder your ability to help effectively. Instead, focus on listening attentively and assisting your child in problem-solving to address the bullying situation constructively.

Don’t swoop in immediately and take over: When faced with your child being bullied, it’s natural to feel anxious and want to immediately resolve the situation. However, rushing in can make your child feel powerless, both from the bully and from your own emotional reaction. It’s crucial to calm down so you can listen attentively and collaborate on a plan together. Asking your child, “How can I best support you?” and strategizing together not only addresses the current situation but also teaches valuable life lessons on handling adversity in the future.

Don’t minimize: Keep in mind that you don’t want to underreact either, by minimizing the problem or telling your child he’s being “too sensitive.” This is not a time to leave your kid alone. He needs someone more powerful than the bullies to advocate for him and help him handle the situation.

Don’t blame: If your child is bullied, avoid blaming them for the situation. Refrain from asking accusatory questions like, “What are you doing to make kids pick on you?” Bullying often occurs without justification, simply because one child targets another. Blaming your child can cause them to withdraw or internalize guilt. Instead, reassure your child that they are not at fault—it’s possible for anyone to become a target due to circumstances like being in the wrong place at the wrong time or displaying differences or vulnerabilities.

Have open conversations: When supporting your child through bullying, share your own experiences to empathize authentically. Express sadness about their situation and reassure them of your support. Maintain open communication and encourage them to confide in trusted adults like relatives, friends, or teachers who may offer different perspectives and advice.

How to Strategize with your child

Teach your child not to react out of fear: When confronted with bullying, children often feel shocked and unsure how to respond. It’s important to advise them not to react out of fear or anger, as this can encourage further bullying. Instead, suggest that they make the bully uncomfortable with their behavior by responding calmly and neutrally. Encourage them to use a brief and simple response that doesn’t provoke the situation further, then remove themselves from the scene to avoid escalation. Fighting back verbally or physically is generally discouraged as it can worsen the bullying.

Have some slogans ready—and then walk away: One simple phrase like “Cut it out” or “Stop” or “I’ve had enough” or “Not funny” can be very effective when your child is being bullied. Encourage them to find a way to say something that feels right to them. They don’t need to insult the other person back or get reactive to it. Above all, they don’t want to get into a fight with the other child because that’s just going to feed it.

Ignore the bully: As hard as it is for kids in this situation, tell your child to try to ignore bullying by either pretending they don’t hear or by keeping a straight face and not reacting to the taunts. It’s often very effective for kids to act as if they are uninterested in the insults and to simply refrain from responding to them. You can practice with your child at home, too, by role playing the situations they face at school.

Use the buddy system: Tell your child that there is strength in numbers; when your child is with a friend, it makes it harder to be isolated or targeted by bullies.

Talk to an adult: Encourage your child to go to his school guidance counselor, a teacher, or a school administrator when she is being bullied. It is the duty of school officials to hold anyone who is bullying another student accountable. Explain the difference between “tattling” and “telling.” Tattling is done for the purpose of getting somebody else in trouble, and telling is done because something is going on that’s not okay and an adult needs to know. Telling is done to protect oneself and to protect others.

When it’s Time to Step in: When intervening in a bullying situation, reassure your child that you’ll support and work with them to prevent further escalation. Emphasize their right to feel safe at school and collaborate on a plan together. Listen attentively to their perspective, asking what they find most helpful. It’s crucial for children to feel supported by someone who can effectively address the situation and stop the bullying, often being the parent in this case.

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