Emotional Regulation Skills Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids
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Emotional regulation is the skill of managing and responding to emotions, which is important for both physical and mental health and helps prevent depression and anxiety. Mindfulness plays a crucial role in this process, as understanding one’s emotions is essential for effective emotional management.
When to Start Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills to Kids
According to Dr. Rachiit Bhatt, helping children manage stress and emotional fluctuations begins at birth. While infants cannot self-regulate, responding to them with warmth and structure during distress helps develop their future self-regulation skills. Young children, especially under age four, need a supportive and emotionally safe environment to handle stress. As they grow, particularly around age two, parents must mediate tantrums with patience. Over time, children will start to recognize and manage their own emotions. By the time your child is 6, they’re able to fully express their emotional states, what they need from others, and can start using techniques parents have modeled from birth.
Benefits of Teaching Kids Emotional Regulation Skills
1. Decreases meltdowns and outbursts: Kids who can manage their emotional states often have fewer outbursts, Dr. Bhatt says. Productive conversations about emotions help parents understand what their children are going through in school and in life, instead of simply reacting to hidden stressors that often take the form of emotional outburst
2. Improves academic success: Research has shown that kids who are taught emotional regulation skills are better able to handle school stress. This helps kids get better grades and integrate into the school environment, easing transitions whether moving up a grade or into a new school.
3. Improves social skills: Emotional understanding has been shown to improve interpersonal social skills. Kids who better understand their emotions are able to relate to others—building stronger social bonds and developing friendships.
4. Helps prevent depression and anxiety: Kids who develop emotional regulation skills tend to be happier and better regulated in the face of stress. This resilience means that when they are sad, they are more likely to recognize the cause of the emotion and seek help from parents or other adults.
5. Emotional Regulation Skills to Teach Kids: Emotional regulation is a skill that can be taught. Parents can model skills to their children, setting them up for success.
Identifying and labeling emotions
Children can be taught to notice and label their emotions from a young age. Using a “feelings chart” develops an awareness of the range of emotions and intensities a child can feel while also providing language to articulate an emotional state.
Breathing exercises: Breathing slowly and evenly can help slow an elevated heart rate, and bring a sense of calm to an agitated state of mind—plus, pausing to practice slow, deep breaths helps kids connect to, and understand, bigger emotions. Parents can model slow, even, meditative breathing for times of intense emotion. Somatic exercises are a great choice as they reconnect mind and body.
Mindfulness techniques: All kinds of mindfulness techniques, from practicing yoga with your children to meditating together, can help regulate emotions. Younger kids process bigger emotions in their bodies, so sitting quietly with those emotions can help them identify and regulate them.
Journaling: Dr. Bhatt says that an important technique for older children can be writing down their emotions. By writing, we understand emotions better. “In order to regulate our emotions, it is important to recognize where they come from,” she adds.
Strategies for Teaching Emotional Regulation to Kids
Emotional regulation skills aren’t learned overnight. They’re the result of a consistent effort on parents’ part to teach kids what emotions are and how to understand them. Here are some easy ways to help your kids develop their emotional regulation toolkit.
Have a meal together: Family mealtime are a great opportunity for parents and children to share their emotions. Games like Rose, Thorn, Bud are helpful. Each person goes around the table and reveals three aspects of their day: The rose as a stand-in for the best part of a day, the thorn as the worst, and the bud as something you or your child is excited about.
Nighttime routine: Dr. Bhatt says sleep is vital to emotional regulation—and developing a consistent routine for bedtime helps your child process their emotions. Reading books at bedtime about emotions, too, can be helpful.
Modeling emotional regulation: Parents who model emotional regulation skills can help kids develop their own. “Modeling emotional regulation as a parent can be helpful for children to know what to do in stressful situations and allows them to better use their skills in distressing moments,” Dr. Bhatt says.
Talk and teach about emotions: Emotions are prickly, difficult things to identify sometimes, and it’s always good to have open conversations about emotions. Talk to children about the times you yourself felt confused about your emotions—and about how you gained clarity.
Validation of emotions: Often, it is easy for parents to dismiss a child’s emotions as overreactions or “childish,” but Dr. Bhatt explains that simply listening and accepting what your child is going through can teach them regulation as you provide a safe place to express themselves.
Challenges of Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills to Kids
Emotional regulation is a gradual process, and parents should understand that children develop emotional maturity over time. Some children may face more challenges and may not be ready to learn all the necessary tools early on. Validating a child’s emotions helps them feel understood and can prevent their behavior from escalating, although it doesn’t excuse inappropriate actions.
Neurodiverse Kids
Neurodiverse children, such as those with autism or ADHD, may struggle more with emotional regulation and may need extra support from adults at home and school. Parents should manage their own emotions and avoid reacting with anger or punishment during their child’s emotional outbursts. If an older child has significant difficulties with emotional regulation, consulting a pediatrician for a referral to a behavioral specialist is advisable.
In conclusion, While emotional regulation takes time to learn, it’s an important skill set for children to start practicing early on. Children who learn emotional regulation techniques do better in school, are less likely to develop anxiety and depression, and develop relationships more easily. Once mastered, these skills will help your child throughout their life.
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