The Discipline We Preach Must Begin with Us

We speak about raising disciplined children, particularly in Africa, I believe many of us adults must first take a closer look at our own conduct. From my interactions, especially on social media, it’s evident that while we advocate for instilling discipline in children, we ourselves often lack a true culture of discipline.

Discipline is not merely about correction; it is deeply rooted in understanding the protocol of relationships, how we engage with others, whether in person or virtually. Sadly, I’ve witnessed countless situations where this basic protocol is absent, even among those who are considered enlightened.

Let me share a personal experience. A few years ago, I posted on the Concerned Parents and Educators group on Facebook, addressing a sensitive topic. The backlash was shocking. The language used by some group members, fellow parents and educators wasn’t just disagreeable; it was aggressively hostile. There’s nothing wrong with disagreement, but there is everything wrong with being disagreeable.

The situation escalated to the point that Mrs. Yinka Ogunde, a distinguished woman known for her commitment to courtesy and respectful discourse, reached out to ask if I wanted the comments disabled. I appreciated her concern but told her it wasn’t necessary.

Over time, I’ve adopted a personal principle: I write for my tribe and ignore the noise. Occasionally, I respond, if necessary, but rarely do I engage with criticism that lacks courtesy. What I’ve also observed is that many people don’t pay genuine attention to the substance of your post. They often respond with preconceived notions, not with critical thinking. In most cases, the quality of their thoughts is revealed not only in their words but in the manner of their approach.

Here’s the crux of the matter: social media platforms like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram are designed to allow each user autonomy. Your page is your space, just like your home in the physical world. If someone disagrees with your post, basic decorum demands that they either scroll past or engage with respect. Imagine if this were a real-world setting, would a well-mannered neighbor barge into your house uninvited to shout their opinions? Certainly not. They would knock, greet you politely, and express themselves with respect. The same principle should apply online.

It is poor manners, plain and simple, to visit someone’s page and unleash unfiltered criticism without a shred of civility. I make it a rule never to do that. If I disagree with someone I know, I reach out privately. If it’s someone I don’t know, and I feel strongly enough to comment, I make it a point to be courteous, never disagreeable. Otherwise, I write a post on my own page. That’s why these platforms offer tools like privacy settings, comment controls, and even the block button.

The deeper concern is this: the very adults who behave poorly online are often the ones lamenting about “today’s children.” Yet, we rarely examine today’s parents, grandparents, teachers, and instructors, the real role models for these children. As I often say, our children are either beneficiaries or casualties of our examples.

In neuro-linguistic programming, it is said: “The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.” Our behavior online is a mirror of who we are. It reflects our values, our character, and our culture.

I’m big on protocol, especially the protocol of relationships. I don’t take people or interactions for granted, online or offline. I share this, hoping it sparks some reflection. Because if we truly desire to raise disciplined children, we must first commit to becoming disciplined adults.

Do have an INSPIRED weekend with the family.