Tieri’s Stop: Teaching Boundaries Starts Early!
I believe every human being is born territorial. We instinctively protect our space, our boundaries, our very being. This begins with our personal territorial integrity, the right to govern our own bodies. I explored this extensively in my book Show Up, Stand Out, Show Off: A Manual for Young People on Value Formation, where I emphasized the importance of children having a personal constitution. The first article of that constitution? The right to protect their territorial integrity.
This instinct, however, is either nurtured or suppressed in childhood. More often than not, as primary and secondary parents, we unknowingly suppress it rather than strengthen it. And so, with this understanding, I fully embrace what I now call “Tieri’s Stop.”
With all the firmness his small voice can muster, my three-year-old son declares, “Stop, I don’t want that!” He asserts it with unwavering conviction, protecting his space, his sense of self. His words are not just resistance, they are a declaration: “I know what I want.” It is a profound exercise in defending his personhood, self-worth, judgment, leadership, and power of choice.
He asserts “Tieri’s Stop” when he refuses to be touched, declines closeness he hasn’t invited, or rejects being carried, especially by strangers. I do not oppose his refusal to be carried by an acquaintance we may meet in public, though it can sometimes be awkward when a well-meaning hand of fellowship is enthusiastically extended by an acquaintance or even a close family friend, and he simply refuses to be carried or touched. But it is not a rebellion. It is not stubbornness. It is agency. His ability to say no is reinforced by what he has been taught: that every part of his body is private to him, that his space is his to protect, and that consent is not just an adult conversation, it is his right, even at three.
And so, instead of merely defending a part of his body, he has learned to defend the territory of his body, the integrity of his space. Watching him do this, in his own little way, is both intriguing and affirming.
This is why the conversation about sexuality education for children must not begin with merely defining private and public parts of their bodies, determining what can or cannot be touched, or distinguishing between good and bad touch. It must begin with dignity, the dignity of their entire body and the sanctity of their space. Children must be taught to recognize the full extent of their territorial integrity and to defend it, wholly, confidently, and unapologetically.
At three, Tieri knows this. And he defends it.
And I am glad he does.
Do have an INSPIRED week ahead with the family.
First published on the Power Parenting Exchange® Facebook Page on March 3rd, 2025
