Why I Held My 8-Year-Old Back From Secondary School — And Why More Parents Should Resist the Rush.

The Heartbreaking Decision That Changed Everything

The day I told my eight-year-old daughter she wouldn’t be joining her peers in secondary school, her world seems shattered like an expired windscreen of a vehicle. She had passed her Common Entrance Exam with flying colours, three secondary schools had already offered her admission, and she was excitedly waiting for me to make the best selection. Her friends were always excitedly gisting about & comparing schools, and dreaming of their “big girl” futures. But I, Oluwaseun – her mother, said NO.  Though we have been discussing this from primary four but she felt her insistence could change my mind, so she kept pressing.

Her tearful protest still echoes in my mind: “Mummy, why are you doing this to me? All my friends are going!”

I answered her calmly: “because, my love, childhood is not a race. And I refuse to let you stumble into adolescence before you’re ready.”

The Dangerous Myth of “Early is equal to Better”

In Nigeria—and many parts of the world—there’s an unhealthy obsession with parents pushing their children ahead, at breakneck speed. Parents brag about toddlers reading at two, six-year-olds in Primary 3, and preteens in university. But at what cost? Skipping classes, overloading academics, and sacrificing emotional growth for bragging rights?

Parenting experts like Taiwo Akinlami (Power Parenting Exchange®) and Coach Wendy Ologe (The Intentional Parenting), both on Facebook, warn that this societal rush is creating a generation of academically proficient but emotionally fragile children.

Research from the American Psychological Association (APA, 2020) warns that early academic acceleration does not necessarily lead to long-term success and can instead contribute to emotional distress, social isolation, immaturity, and burnout. Similarly, a 2023 study in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who transitioned to higher academic levels prematurely exhibited higher anxiety levels and lower peer integration than those who progressed at a standard pace.

Yet, we keep rushing them. Why?

Why I Stepped My Daughter Back to go through Primary 6.

Yes, I allowed her to take the exams in primary five with her colleagues, not only to let her dream but also for her to write it in Primary six as an experienced pupil. I also knew that sending her off at eight would be setting her up for struggle, not success.

Here’s what I believe she needed, and what every child deserves before facing the pressures of secondary school and life in general:

1. Emotional Intelligence/Resilience Over Empty Achievement– My precious daughter still cries when there is friction between her and her six-year-old brother. How would she handle a teacher’s harsh words or peer pressure or the burden that comes with secondary school studies? Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author of Under Pressure, emphasizes that emotional regulation is a critical predictor of long-term success, not just grades.
2. The Power of Unshakable Confidence– In primary school, she is still learning to speak up for herself. Secondary school isn’t kind to timid voices. I need her to own her opinions, learn how to speak confidently and with clarity before stepping into a space where silence could mean being overlooked, timid, or worse, bullied. I strongly believe that primary six will help her solidify the foundation I am trying to build.
3. A Mother-Daughter Bond Strong Enough to Survive Adolescence– If she couldn’t tell me about a classmate’s teasing now, how would she confide in me about heartbreak, academic stress, or even harassment later? How would she know how and when to ask for help, when needed and from trusted adult?  According to UNICEF’s 2022 report on child well-being, children with strong parental attachments navigate adolescence with significantly better mental health outcomes.
4. Street Smarts Are Non-Negotiable– As a Nigerian girl, she needed more than good grades. She needs to recognize danger/red flags, assert boundaries, and navigate a world that isn’t always kind, especially to girls.
5. Maturity Means Understanding Feelings, Consequences and Managing them Effectively – At eight, she still threw tantrums over minor disappointments. She needs to understand that secondary school doesn’t coddle. Would she crumble under failure, in the face of challenges, or would she learn, adapt, and rise?

The Transformation Within the One-Year Period of Primary Six

I am quite sure, in a year to come, the difference will be undeniable. She would have grown more in maturity, not only leading her class with confidence but also navigating life intelligently. She will be able to negotiates, questions, and stand her ground. Our mother-daughter bond would have been so knitted, she would trust me enough to speak with me about everything and anything, even the uncomfortable things. She would have known how and when to ask for help when needed. And when she finally steps into secondary school, she won’t just be going, she will be very ready. In this case, to be ready is much better than to be early.

A Call to Parents: Let Childhood Be Childhood

We live in a world that glorifies speed, ignores process but celebrate sudden arrival, even at the detriment of values, dexterity, and substance.  Everyone seems to be on the fast lane of life, with no clue of what the rules and regulations on the road entail.  Parents, please slow down, childhood is not a checklist but the very foundation of life. Every skipped phase is a crack in their emotional foundation that will always play back in their adult life.

• Let children play, Uninterrupted and Unstructured – Parents, let’s ensure daily free play (no screens, no rigid rules). Play builds creativity, problem-solving, and resilience. – The American Academy of Pediatrics (2021) states that unstructured play is critical for cognitive and emotional development.

• Strengthen Your Bond So They Trust You Through Adolescence – Yes, we need to work and make money to provide for their needs, but let’s always find time to spend quality 10-15 minutes daily in undistracted conversation. Ask open-ended questions: “What was the hardest part of your day?” This is to encourage bonding and trust, because Taiwo Akinlami warns, “If your child doesn’t confide in you at 8, they won’t at 15—when the stakes are higher.”

• Teach Life Skills Early – Involve children, male and female, in house chores, cooking inclusive, budgeting, and decision-making. A 7-year-old can choose their outfit; a 9-year-old can pack their lunch.

Coach Wendy Ologe says, “Children who contribute at home grow into capable, responsible adults.”

• Let them fail – Research from Stanford University (2022) shows that children who experience and overcome minor setbacks early in life, develop stronger problem-solving skills.
• Let them grow at their own pace.  Allow them enjoy their childhood and ensure it is a memorable one.  Seek knowledge to make sure their growth is holistic, because once they step into that fast lane, there’s no rewinding.

• Say No to Peer Pressure—Even From Other Parents – When others brag about their children’s early achievements, respond like this: “We’re focusing on the whole child, not just the report card.”

Society will always push faster, earlier, harder. But childhood is neither a race nor competition, it’s a foundation. Slow down, take responsibility and be intentional, the lives of our children depends on it!

Ask yourself:

• Am I raising a whole child or just a high-scoring one?
• Will my child thank me later, or resent the rush?

Remember, be the parents who chooses ready over early.

So I ask you: Are you truly preparing your children, or just rushing to keep up with the standard of the world? Or are you using their lives to fan your own ego, or pursue your unfulfilled goals?

Engage with Us:
Would you hold your child back if they weren’t emotionally ready?

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Let’s have a meaningful conversation about power parenting and holistic child development.