Deliberately, I chose to dedicate this season of my life to being fully present in our son’s formative years. For me, it is not a sacrifice, it is a sacred duty. A responsibility I owe to his Maker, to him, to our family, and to the world in which he will live, grow, and contribute. Right now, raising him is a major priority, and I filter all personal and professional engagements through that lens. And you know what? I’m loving every bit of it, down to my bone and marrow.
This morning, while helping him through our daily routine, “sit still,” “brush your teeth,” “take your bath”, a profound thought struck me: it may be impossible to build a deep, meaningful relationship with our young children unless we are willing to do the messy, hands-on work of parenting. Raising a toddler, especially my energetic three-year-old, has taught me that this “dirty work” is not optional. It is essential. It is how we build trust. It is how we build love. It is how we build them.
Parenting at this stage is anything but glamorous. It’s about embracing the small, repetitive, and often messy tasks, bathing, potty training, cleaning up spills, picking up food from the floor, soothing tears, and hugging countless times a day. These are not distractions from parenting; they are parenting. Physical affection, responsiveness, and attentiveness, these are the currencies of connection in a child’s world.
Today, as I hugged my son over and over again, I realized how much those moments matter. They offer comfort, stimulation, and deep emotional safety. There’s no such thing as “too many” hugs. To a child, our presence in the mess, both literal and emotional, is proof of love.
Consider this: what matters to a toddler isn’t what matters to us. To them, the world revolves around small wonders, spilled water, scattered food, toys thrown around. They’re not being naughty; they’re learning. And if we shy away from the physical and emotional messiness of their world, if we treat the dirty work as beneath us, we miss out on the very moments that build intimacy.
I’ve had moments where my son soiled himself before he could even call for help. I’ve washed soiled clothes, scrubbed the floors, and cleaned him up, not with frustration, but with the understanding that this is part of the journey. These tasks, though draining at times, are sacred. They say to him, “I am here. I am not going anywhere. Even when it’s hard, I’m still your safe place.”
Parenting a toddler has shown me that love is not just in grand gestures or Instagram-worthy moments. Love is in the dirt. In the humility to clean up. In the patience to wait through tantrums. In the willingness to kneel, to wash, to hold, to show up, again and again.
Perhaps this is the soul of parenting: not control, not perfection, but presence. The kind of presence that embraces the chaos, the inconvenience, the drama, and transforms it into connection.
In the end, doing the dirty work is not just what we do for them. It’s what we do for the bond. It’s how we build trust that lasts. It’s where the relationship is formed.
Parenting begins where convenience ends. And love is most visible in the mess.
