The Hidden Cost of ‘Sending Children Back Home’: Rethinking Discipline and Diaspora Parenting
When a 14-year-old boy recently lost a court case against his parents after they “tricked” him into travelling from London to Ghana for boarding school, the story stirred deep emotions. The case was not just about one child’s distress or one family’s decision, it opened a wider conversation about a growing, unspoken pattern among African diaspora families: sending their children “back home” for discipline, safety, or reconnection.
Introduction
The High Court in London ruled that the teenage boy, who had been taken to Ghana under the guise of visiting a sick relative, must remain there until the end of his GCSEs. The court acknowledged the boy’s unhappiness and sense of betrayal but sided with his parents, who argued that they acted out of love and fear, fearing that their son was being drawn into London’s rising gang culture.
In her ruling, Justice Theis described the parents’ actions as difficult but well-intentioned, concluding that the boy’s welfare was better served in Ghana, at least for now. For many, however, the case raised difficult questions about parenting, belonging, and the emotional toll of forced relocation on diaspora children.
A Hidden but Common Practice
There are no official statistics on how many children are sent “back home,” but “ such stories have surfaces online and on different community discussions.
For many immigrant families, it’s a familiar pattern, a child begins to act out, struggle with school, or resist cultural expectations, and the parents, overwhelmed or afraid, send them to live with relatives or attend school in their ancestral homeland.
The intention, almost always, is love. Parents believe the move will correct behaviour, instill values, and protect their children from the dangers of Western society, from gangs to drugs to moral decay. But for the children, the experience often feels like exile.
From Discipline to a Culture of Discipline
What this case and so many others reveals is not a failure of love, but a misunderstanding of discipline.
Too often, parents confuse discipline with punishment. Discipline, at its root, means to teach, to guide, to train. It is a culture, not a single act. A culture of discipline is one where boundaries are clear but love is constant; where consequences are consistent but connection is never broken.
Sending a child thousands of miles away, often without consent or preparation, uproots not only their routine but their trust. It replaces communication with fear, and replaces teaching with trauma. Instead of shipping children “back home,” parents must focus on creating home, a safe emotional space where children can be corrected without being cut off.
Parenting Between Two Worlds
Diaspora parents often live in a cultural tension between two worlds, the freedom of the West and the discipline of their heritage. Many fear “losing” their children to a system they do not fully understand, and in that fear, they sometimes react rather than reflect.
But parenting cannot be guided by fear. It must be anchored in empathy, consistency, and communication. There is no textbook for perfect parenting, and there never will be, but there is always the opportunity to choose love that teaches, not love that terrifies.
Conclusion
Parents want to protect their children, that is instinctive. But love must never become exile. It is time for a shift from discipline as punishment to a culture of discipline built on understanding, structure, and care. One that does not send children away to learn who they are, but raises them firmly, lovingly, and safely right where they are. Because ultimately, the true lesson every child deserves to learn is not fear, but belonging.
Source of image: Getty images
