7 Ways to Fix Your Child’s Unkind Behavior

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Discipline should be viewed as a form of instruction rather than punishment. Dr. Thomas Lickona explains that effective discipline teaches habits like kindness and respect through a character-based approach. To cultivate kindness in children, a consistent, multifaceted strategy is essential, going beyond traditional methods like time-outs.

Here are seven practical strategies for parents to encourage kindness in their children:

Set Clear Expectations: The importance of establishing kindness as a core value within a family is likening it to a mission statement. Dr. Michele Borba suggests discussing family values and even creating a catchy motto, like “We’re the Caring Carlsons.” Providing clear examples of kindness can help children understand expectations; for instance, teaching them that respectfully listening to each other is a simple act of kindness to practice, especially if they’re struggling with conflicts.

A few examples of family expectations could be:

• We do not use hurtful language such as name-calling.
• We use polite manners such as saying please and thank you.
• We do not take out our negative moods on other people.

Reinforce Your Family Values: Using everyday scenarios from movies, books, and real life to discuss the importance of kindness with children, helping them understand acceptable behavior. For example, when a cartoon character harms another, parents should discuss why that behavior is wrong. It’s crucial for parents to model the behavior they advocate; if they promote kindness but react negatively in stressful situations, children may not take the lessons to heart. Additionally, parents should reinforce kind behavior by praising their children—through simple gestures like high-fives or hugs to strengthen those values.

Tackle Infractions: With a solid framework in place, you’re armed to correct missteps. Whether your child mistreats you, a sibling, a peer, or the family pet, address the behavior swiftly and definitively. “Use a strong, firm, non-yelling statement that spells out what went wrong,” Dr. Borba explains. “Say, ‘That was unkind. You just pulled your friend’s hair. How do you think she feels? How would you feel if that happened to you?'”

Appeal to their empathy: As children grow, their unkind behaviors often become more verbal than physical. It’s important to explain to them when their actions hurt others, as most kids don’t intend to cause harm. Dr. J. Kiley Hamlin emphasizes that helping children understand the impact of their words can make them reconsider their actions. Additionally, parents should model the language they wish to see in their children, being mindful of how they speak about others. This is crucial since children are always listening and absorbing these interactions.

Help Them Make Amends: Acknowledging a mistake is important, but kids also need to learn about restitution. Dr. Lickona emphasizes that they should apologize and then ask how they can make things right. Parents can help brainstorm solutions, like writing an apology card or using allowance money to replace a damaged item. Often, children can come up with appropriate ways to make amends themselves. In some instances, simply encouraging them to redo their actions in a kinder manner can be effective.

Enforce Consequences: For serious incidents, additional consequences may be necessary to create a lasting impact, but it’s important that these consequences are relevant to the behavior. Dr. Hamlin advises against using arbitrary punishments, like taking away screen time, as they can seem unfair and may backfire. Instead, the punishment should match the misbehavior—for instance, taking away a bike if one child pushed another off it. Parents should also manage their emotions; reacting angrily can lead to unfair consequences, teaching children that punishment stems from anger rather than thoughtful reasoning. Taking a moment to calm down can help ensure fair and effective responses.

Tell Them They’re Good: It’s crucial to consistently reinforce the idea that your kids are kind, even during tough moments. Dr. Borba suggests telling them, “You are a kind person, and that wasn’t kind,” as this helps shape their self-perception. The language parents use can significantly influence children’s inner dialogues, so it’s important to acknowledge their efforts to be kind and affirm their goodness regularly. This positive reinforcement helps cultivate a strong sense of self as kind individuals.

Read More: https://childreninfobank.com/safebank/7-ways-to-fix-your-childs-unkind-behavior/

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