Fawning: Beyond the Smile in Children and Teenagers
Most parents enjoy the thought of having a laid-back child who is easy to get along with, flexible, and pleasant. Nevertheless, there are times when this mild-mannered disposition isn’t all that it seems and could be a sign of what therapists term “fawning.”
Teenagers may not actually be well-mannered if they are always grinning, nodding in agreement, or remaining silent despite feeling internal discomfort or outrage.
Instead, these behaviors could indicate fawning, a stress reaction, or a form of appeasement and people-pleasing.
What is Fawning?
Fawning is a stress response, similar to fight, flight, or freeze, according to Firepit Wellbeing’s double board-certified psychiatrist Hamilton Gaiani, MD. It involves disguising one’s own desires or feelings, avoiding conflict, and going to excessive lengths to please others. These actions may appear mature or polite, yet they are often the result of anxiety or emotional pain.
According to Dr. Gaiani, parents should recognize that fawning may underlie a child’s seemingly laid-back demeanor. Some children secretly struggle with anxiety and are afraid to speak up or express themselves. They may behave this way because they feel unsafe, overlooked, or under emotional strain.
“These habits will lead to mental health issues later in life if they continue without support,” Dr. Gaiani warns. Some individuals may even turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drugs or alcohol. For this reason, it is important to notice the signs early and offer help before the patterns become harder to break.
Conclusion
For many affected children, it can take years to realize that their most admired qualities, loyalty, agreeableness, and generosity, may actually be coping mechanisms developed during trauma. The fawn response is not your true self; it is a survival skill you learned to endure difficult situations.
The goal of recognizing this pattern is clarity, not shame. With clarity comes the ability to rewire fear-driven behaviors and rebuild a life guided by choice rather than coercion.
This process is not about correcting personality. It is about gradually learning to hear your own voice above the noise of survival.
