When a Policy Becomes Punishment: A Safeguarding and Emotional Abuse Analysis of the Preschool Toilet Incident

Story:

On April 8, 2025, a viral video surfaced showing a distressed mother confronting the headmistress of her daughter’s preschool after the child, a preschooler, soiled herself during school hours. The mother explained that her daughter had interpreted the directive during a school assembly as a strict instruction to never to defecate in school. This miscommunication led the child to suppress her natural urge, ultimately resulting in an embarrassing and distressing accident.

In the video, the school’s headmistress dismissively refers to the ongoing examination period, citing challenges like a shortage of cleaners and urging parents to toilet-train their children more effectively. She made little effort to recognize the emotional and psychological impact on the child, nor did she take accountability for the ambiguity of the directive delivered at the assembly.

Senses (Child Safeguarding and Protection Principles):

This situation is not just unfortunate, it’s a clear safeguarding red flag. Several principles of child protection and emotional wellbeing were disregarded:

1. Emotional Abuse Through Institutional Negligence:

   • The child, through fear and misinterpretation, was emotionally distressed.

   • Denying or restricting a child’s access to toilet facilities is a form of institutional emotional abuse. It disregards the child’s developmental stage and bodily needs.

2. Failure of Communication and Duty of Care:

   • The assembly directive, whether intended or not, was received literally by a child who is still learning social norms and body control. Preschoolers interpret instructions as absolute.

   • Instead of creating a psychologically safe environment, the school instilled fear, creating shame and anxiety around a natural biological process.

3. Lack of Empathy and Trauma-Informed Response:

   • The headmistress’s response showed a disturbing lack of empathy.

   • Rather than acknowledging the child’s distress or reassuring the mother, the conversation turned into a blame game, criticizing the mother’s parenting instead of reflecting on school systems and communication failures.

4. Violation of Child Rights:

   • Article 24 of the UNCRC (United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child) states that children have a right to the highest attainable standard of health, including sanitation.

   • A directive, perceived or real, that discourages children from using the toilet is a denial of their basic rights.

Stones: Lessons and Recommendations 

For Schools and Educators:

• Review and revise bathroom policies: No directive should discourage children from using the toilet. If there are hygiene concerns, they should be addressed through staffing and supervision solutions, not fear-based restrictions.

• Train staff on child protection and safeguarding: Preschoolers need reassurance and clarity, not ambiguous, adult-centric instructions..

For Parents:

• Communicate openly with your child: Teach them it’s okay to ask for help and use the toilet, even at school. Build their confidence in speaking up.

• Work collaboratively with schools: Advocate for policies that safeguard emotional wellbeing of our precious children.

For Government and Regulators:

• Ensure adequate staffing and sanitation infrastructure in schools.

• Enforce child safeguarding and protection policies in all educational institutions.

• Sanction schools that disregard children’s rights and emotional safety.

Potty Training: A Journey, Not a Battle

The headmistress’s suggestion that the mother should “toilet train her child” reflects a common but misguided belief that children should be completely independent by preschool age. As Alina Lynden, Communications Manager at ERIC, The Children’s Bowel & Bladder Charity, rightly points out:

“Potty training is not a race—it’s a journey of patience, support, and understanding.”

Key Takeaways on Potty Training:

1. Every child develops differently: Most children are ready for potty training between 18 months and 3 years.

2. Avoid shaming and negativity: Never use words like “dirty” or “stinky” that can create fear and embarrassment.

3. Use positive reinforcement: Sticker charts, cheering, or small rewards help reinforce confidence.

4. Communication is key: Explain bodily functions in simple terms. Build familiarity around using the toilet through stories, role play, and observation.

5. Be consistent and collaborative: Caregivers, teachers, and family members must be on the same page.

6. Accidents are part of learning: They are not signs of failure but stepping stones in the learning process.

Conclusion: 

This heartbreaking story is a wake-up call for schools and caregivers alike. At its core, this is not simply about a child soiling herself, it’s about a systemic failure to understand the emotional world of our children. This is about a school failing in its sacred duty to protect, nurture and uplift the children in its care.

Policies and pronouncements that instill fear, shame, or embarrassment about natural bodily functions have no place in a child-friendly learning environment. Instead, what is required is compassionate leadership, child-centered communication, and a culture of care and protection.

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