A Memo to My Son

Respect Every Elder. Surrender to None but God.

My dear Tieriayooluwa,

One day, you will be told something that almost every child in our culture hears:

“You must respect your elders.”

I hope you do.

In fact, I pray you do.

Respect is a mark of good upbringing.

It reflects honour.

Humility.

Self-control.

It acknowledges the dignity of every human being and recognises the value that often accompanies age and experience.

Never become the kind of man who despises older people.

Never mock grey hair.

Never confuse confidence with wisdom.

Learn from those who have gone ahead of you.

Listen carefully.

Speak courteously.

Treat people with dignity.

The Bible commands it.

Our culture, at its best, celebrates it.

But, my son, there is something equally important I want you to understand.

Respect is not surrender.

Respect is not silence in the face of injustice.

Respect is not permission for someone to violate your dignity.

Respect is not an invitation to be manipulated.

Respect is not the abandonment of your conscience.

And respect is never God’s command to participate in your own oppression.

Unfortunately, some people hide behind the language of respect to demand unquestioning obedience.

They mistake age for authority.

Authority for infallibility.

Influence for righteousness.

They expect younger people to stop asking honest questions.

To suppress truth.

To ignore injustice.

To endure abuse.

To surrender their God-given dignity simply because an older person has spoken.

My son, do not make that mistake.

For before you are my son,

you are a person.

Created in the image of God.

That means you possess inherent worth.

You have a mind with which to think.

A conscience with which to discern.

A will with which to choose.

And, in seed form, the instinct and capacity to lead.

Never allow anyone to make you believe that your youth diminishes your humanity.

It does not.

Being young does not mean being weak.

The Apostle John wrote:

“I write to you, young men, because you are strong…”
— 1 John 2:14

And Solomon reminds us:

“The glory of young men is their strength…”
— Proverbs 20:29

Strength is one of God’s gifts to youth.

Do not misuse it.

But never apologise for it.

Being young does not mean being foolish.

The Yoruba wisely say:

“Ọmọde gbọ́n, àgbà gbọ́n, là fi dá Ilé-Ifẹ̀.”

Meaning:

“It was through the wisdom of both the young and the old that Ilé-Ifẹ̀ was founded.”

Wisdom is not the exclusive preserve of age.

Neither is age the enemy of wisdom.

God intended both generations to enrich one another.

Being young does not mean being irresponsible.

Scripture declares:

“Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.”
— Proverbs 20:11

Character has never belonged to one age group.

Neither has irresponsibility.

God judges us, not merely by how long we have lived,

but by how faithfully we have lived.

Therefore, never surrender your judgment simply because another person is older.

Offer respect freely.

Receive wisdom gratefully.

Test everything by truth.

And let your conduct always honour Christ.

The Bible does not teach oppression in the name of respect.

The God who commands you to honour your father and mother also commands every father not to provoke his children to wrath.

The God who teaches respect also teaches justice.

The God who values order also condemns oppression.

Never allow anyone to quote one part of Scripture while violating another.

Remember Elihu.

He honoured the older men.

He waited patiently while they spoke.

But when they were wrong, he did not surrender truth to age.

He spoke with humility.

He spoke with courage.

He spoke because wisdom required it.

Remember our Lord Jesus Christ.

He honoured the Law.

He honoured His earthly parents.

He honoured legitimate authority.

Yet He never allowed religious leaders to use their position to silence truth or burden people unjustly.

He respected people.

He confronted hypocrisy.

He loved deeply.

He stood firmly.

That is strength under the government of love.

That is maturity.

That is wisdom.

So, my son, respect elders.

But do not worship age.

Honour authority.

But do not surrender truth.

Listen with humility.

But do not abandon your conscience.

Stand with courage.

But never lose tenderness.

If you must disagree, disagree respectfully.

If you must resist, resist honourably.

If you must stand alone, stand before God with a clean heart.

May you grow into a man who gives honour freely, but reserves worship for God alone.

May you never mistake oppression for authority.

May you never confuse abuse with correction.

May you never call fear respect.

And may your life one day become the kind of life that younger people can safely trust.

Yours affectionately,

Daddy, Daddy

Adapted from my forthcoming book, The Content of an Elder: Rediscovering Biblical Eldership in an Age of Gerontocracy.