Teen Sexual Abuse Largely Unreported to Parents – Expert Warns
In today’s Nigeria, teenagers and young people are navigating a complex web of emotional, mental, and societal challenges. Mrs. Hellen Oladele, a respected teen counsellor and therapist, shares her perspective on the root causes of these struggles, from drug abuse and rape to identity crises and cultism, and offers urgent solutions rooted in parenting, empathy, and open communication.
According to Oladele, the most significant challenge facing Nigerian teens is not peer pressure or social media; it is dysfunctional parenting. Many parents genuinely love their children and want the best for them, but love and good intentions are not enough.
Without the right skills, parents may end up harming rather than helping. In homes where domestic violence, emotional neglect, or lack of understanding exists, children grow up confused, insecure, and emotionally vulnerable.
These children then become easy prey to peer pressure. “Everyone wants to belong,” Oladele says. “If the home doesn’t give them a strong value system, they’ll look for acceptance elsewhere.”
This need to feel seen and heard often drives teens into dangerous circles. Whether it’s cults, unhealthy relationships, or social media trends, the promise of immediate gratification often outweighs the fear of long-term consequences.
The influence of society cannot be overlooked. In a culture that idolizes wealth, celebrity lifestyles, and digital fame, teenagers are desperate to be noticed. They chase money, popularity, and attention online, often engaging in gambling, scamming, and even catfishing. The pressure to project a successful image, even at the cost of integrity, has led many young people astray.
Sexuality is another difficult area. Children are exposed to inappropriate content early on, mostly through unregulated access to smartphones and social media.
Oladele reveals that even preteens now have sexual relationships. “I counsel young girls already on contraceptives, and boys who bring condoms to school,” she says. “Pornography and masturbation are common, and most who struggle with it were introduced through smartphones.” In many cases, parents are in denial, ignoring warning signs while hoping for the best.
When it comes to digital exposure, Oladele urges parents to rethink how they introduce technology to their children. “Before you hand your child a smartphone, ask yourself: do they need it or just want it?” she advises. Education about digital risks, sextortion, cyberbullying, identity theft, should become a routine part of parenting.
She also challenges the current educational system and family expectations. Most schools emphasize academic success, but neglect conversations around purpose, passion, and identity.
Many teens are pressured into career paths that don’t align with their interests. “A lot of teenagers I work with are gifted in the arts, but their parents insist they become doctors or lawyers,” she explains. As a result, teens equate success with wealth, online followers, and a lavish lifestyle, often ignoring their unique talents and values.
Oladele doesn’t shy away from discussing the growing problem of drug use. “It often begins at home,” she states plainly. When parents model double standards, drinking or smoking while preaching abstinence, children become confused.
Peer pressure adds to the problem. Some teens take drugs to escape from emotional pain; others do it simply to fit in. But the consequences are real and lasting. “Teenagers are not always trying to be bad,” she says. “Many are just curious. Others are desperate for escape.”
On the deeply troubling rise in incest and sexual abuse, Oladele becomes visibly emotional. “As a girl child myself, I cannot comprehend any reason a father would defile his daughter, except perhaps if he’s mentally ill or spiritually possessed.”
She shares a personal story: as a child, she was sexually abused by an uncle. “I never told my parents. They loved me, but I didn’t feel safe enough to talk about it. And that’s the experience of many children today.”
Oladele believes the silence surrounding sex in many Nigerian homes is dangerous. “Growing up, all we were told was, ‘If a man touches you, you’ll get pregnant.’ That message is confusing and ineffective.”
Instead, she urges parents to start age-appropriate conversations early and maintain an open-door policy, so that children feel safe enough to speak up when something goes wrong.
Cultism, she says, is often a result of identity struggles and low self-esteem. Teenagers want to be noticed, affirmed, and appreciated. When they don’t get that at home, they seek it elsewhere.
She recalls working with a bisexual teenager who was repeatedly shamed by her mother. “She kept calling her a tomboy. That label pushed her further into same-sex relationships. And even after therapy, the words from home kept pulling her back.”
According to Oladele, the way parents speak to their children can either build or destroy them. “We confuse discipline with punishment,” she says.
“Discipline means to teach, not to embarrass or belittle.” Publicly scolding teenagers or mocking them in front of others damages their self-worth and confidence. “Teenagers read meaning into everything. The words you use, the tone you take, they matter more than you know.”
