A CHILD IS NOT A BULLY

As the world marks the 2026 International Day against Violence and Bullying at School, Children Info Bank examines why rules alone cannot transform behaviour and why values must receive the same deliberate attention as academic learning.

As the world marks the International Day against Violence and Bullying at School, Including Cyberbullying, a difficult question confronts families, schools and society: Are we demanding conduct from children that we have not deliberately taught them?

The theme of the 2026 observance is Every Learner Safe and Well: From Promise to Practice. UNESCO says the theme calls for sustained action across education systems, including violence prevention, mental-health support, teacher support, inclusion and digital safety. (unesco.org⁠ , unesco.org⁠ , unesco.org⁠ )

Moving from promise to practice must begin with the language adults use.

There is bullying. There is a child who bullied another child. There is a child who was bullied. But a child should not be defined as “a bully.”

Calling a child “a bully” turns behaviour into identity. It suggests permanence where there should be accountability, guidance and the possibility of transformation. The child who was bullied must be heard, protected and supported. The child who bullied must be held accountable, guided to understand the harm caused and taught better ways of relating to others.

This language does not excuse harmful behaviour. It identifies the behaviour precisely without reducing the whole child to it.

The distinction is central to child safeguarding. When adults label children, they may begin to respond to the label instead of investigating the behaviour, its context, its impact and the needs of every child involved.

Rules and regulations are necessary. They establish boundaries, prescribe procedures and communicate consequences. But rules alone do not teach character.

Rules do not teach mathematics.

Schools do not place a notice on the wall saying, “Every child must understand mathematics,” and expect competence to emerge. They provide teachers, lessons, examples, exercises, corrections, assessments and years of practice.

English, science and technology receive the same deliberate investment.

Why, then, do we expect children to learn empathy, honesty, self-control, responsibility, conflict resolution and respect for human dignity merely because a handbook says, “No bullying”?

“Do not bully” is an instruction. It is not a complete education.

UNESCO’s recommended whole-school response reflects this reality. It includes laws and policies, but it also includes teacher training, curriculum, positive classroom management, safe environments, reporting systems, family involvement, student participation, partnerships and continuing evaluation. (unesco.org⁠ , unesco.org⁠ )

The message is clear: safeguarding cannot be reduced to rules and punishment. It must become part of what a school teaches, models, rewards and practises every day.

This requires schools and families to examine what they celebrate.

When a school presents itself to prospective families, what takes centre stage? Examination results? University placements? Academic awards? The professions its former students entered?

When families speak proudly about their children, what do they emphasise? “My son is a lawyer.” “My daughter is a doctor.” “My child attends a prestigious school.”

Academic and professional accomplishments deserve recognition. But where is the corresponding celebration of honesty, compassion, courage, civility, responsibility and service?

What do the pictures displayed around a school communicate? Do children see only doctors, lawyers, engineers and business leaders as representations of success? Where are the messages showing that keeping one’s word, repairing harm, respecting others and standing against cruelty are also worthy achievements?

Children learn from what adults repeatedly honour.

If society plants status, scores, certificates and professions as its highest seeds, it cannot expect to harvest character without deliberately cultivating it. What society celebrates, society reproduces.

This is why values and soft skills must not be treated as the same thing.

Values are the principles that guide choices: dignity, honesty, justice, responsibility, compassion and respect.

Soft skills are the capacities through which people relate and function: communication, teamwork, empathy, self-regulation, leadership and conflict resolution.

The distinction matters because skills require moral direction. Communication can clarify or deceive. Leadership can serve or dominate. Teamwork can include or exclude. Confidence can defend another person’s dignity or become an instrument of intimidation.

Values determine how skills are used.

Research supports the importance of qualities that conventional examinations do not adequately measure. Economists James Heckman and Tim Kautz found that achievement tests fail to capture important character skills, including motivations, goals and personality traits, which matter in school, employment and wider life outcomes. Their later work also concluded that the predictive power of character skills can rival that of cognitive skills. (nber.org⁠ , nber.org⁠ )

This evidence does not establish the frequently repeated claim that a fixed percentage of success comes from soft skills. Such a universal percentage cannot be responsibly presented as settled research. The credible conclusion is simpler: academic knowledge alone does not fully prepare a child for life.

Jack Ma made a related argument at the World Economic Forum in 2018, urging education systems to teach values, independent thinking, teamwork and care for others as technology changes the nature of knowledge and work. (weforum.org⁠ )

The task before schools is therefore larger than producing children who can pass examinations.

Education must produce learning and behavioural outcomes. Schools should define their values in observable terms, devote curriculum time to them, train teachers to model them, allow children to practise them and recognise them publicly.

Children should be taught how to manage disagreement, respond to rejection, regulate strong emotions, seek help, include others, apologise meaningfully and repair harm. These lessons require the same seriousness, repetition and patience given to academic subjects.

Families must make the same investment. Children cannot be expected to learn respect from adults who humiliate them, honesty from adults who reward deception, or responsibility from adults who excuse every wrongdoing because their child performs well academically.

Values must come before books, remain present within books and continue beyond books.

Books build knowledge. Technical skills build competence. Values determine how knowledge and competence are used.

If we want different behaviour, we must sow different seeds.

Teach the child. Address the behaviour. Protect the child who was bullied. Hold the child who bullied accountable. Create room for learning, responsibility, repair and transformation.

A child is not a bully.

A child is a person whose character is still being formed.